Harry Potter and the Odyssey
by Phoenix The Pyro Bird Kid
Summary: Harry Potter (the King of Hogwarts) returns from an adventure involving old, one eyed aurors, butterbeer drinking Hufflepuffs, and merpeople to find his beloved Ginny is being courted by a suitor (Dean). He must use his skills as a wizard to regain his true love. Okay, so I wrote this as a parody of The Odyssey for an English assignment and decided to post it here on Fan Fiction.


Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story of that boy skilled in all ways of magic. The orphan, harried for years on end after he escaped the Dark Lords clutches in his greatest hour.

CHO CHANG'S ISLAND

The boy, Harry, after two books full of fighting a villain without a name to be spoken, washed up on the shores of Cho Chang's Island, whose patron was Rowena Ravenclaw, Protector of Wisdom. Cho loved Harry with all her heart, but he would not return her love for his belonged to another, Ginny Weasley, his wife with fiery hair and the bane of many dark wizards who threatened her friends' lives. After three books spent with Cho, Rowena Ravenclaw bade Godric Gryffindor, Patron of the Brave to force Cho to release Harry. He sent a messenger, a snowy owl that answered to the name of Hedwig to deliver his commands. Cho agreed once she received the message and went to Harry.

"Oh, Harry, after much thought I have decided to let you return to the realm of normal men, but how could your Ginny possibly compare to me?"

Harry pondered for a few seconds before he gave his reply.

"She is a ginger, and your hair is ebony in color, she is powerful with a wand and you with a Quidditch broom, but I love her more, for she truly has taken my heart. I may have loved you first, but I love her most."

Cho accepted his answer and summoned a wild creature from the dark wood, forbidden to all mortals. The creature was a combination of bird and horse, his powerful wings and sleek feathers gray as the mist of dawn.

"Take this steed, proud and true, named Buckbeak to fly over the sea to your home. Farewell, Harry, I hope you always remember your time on this island. Cho told him as he mounted and the hippogriff spread his wings and began to fly away. As he lifted into the air, he spotted a small raft, constructed of thick trees speeding towards the island. On it carried a tall man dressed in yellow and gray Hogwarts robes. Harry waved at the man, knowing it was Cedric coming back from the dead to be reunited with Cho.

The ocean was far from calm, for Salazzar Slytherin, Master of all Evil in the world disliked the hero immensely. He used his black wand that reminded all who saw it of a black beetle's leg, jointed and shelled, moving slowly across a leaf, and with it he summoned up a storm to make the hero fall to the churning black water. Buckbeak the Hippogriff, free from his load was able to save himself, while Harry apparated to nearby Hogsmeade. He dragged himself into the Three Broomsticks and told his tale to all who would listen.

"I am Harry Potter, son of James Potter, King of Hogwarts and I will tell you my tale of adventure. My men and I sailed from the Black Lake, off to find a sense of purpose…"

THE BUTTERBEER DRINKING HUFFLEPUFFS

We first came upon an island filled with people who could have been none other than Hufflepuffs. I sent Ron and Hermione to discover what was with these Hufflepuffs and why they were stuck on the island. They offered the two Butterbeer to drink which caused any who drank it hypnotize the person into thinking they themselves were Hufflepuffs! Frightened at the prospect, they fled back to the ship and we sailed on.

THE OLD, ONE EYED AUROR…

The next island we came upon was full of centaurs, galloping through emerald green grass and a shining azure river that separated the island in half. Their keeper, or jailer, depending on your point of view was Mad Eye Moody, the fierce one and a half-eyed Auror. He took us into the dark cavern he called home. Our eyes grew accustomed to the light emitted from the backbone shaped candles that were a favorite of Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers. All of a sudden, he started yelling at us, casting stunning spells in all directions and accusing us of being Dark Wizards in disguise. I told him with a hint of desperation in my voice that I was a Somebody, an important Somebody, but he didn't believe me. We had to bide our time until he fell into a deep slumber, exhausting himself from all the yelling and as he snored, we stole his mechanical eye. We quickly dove behind the herd of centaurs inside the cave and we moved with them so we could escape and get back to our ship. Unfortunately our ship was a total wreck. The sail was in tatters and shattered timber lay all over the deck. Ron heard a whistling over the next hill, and to our delight, it was a dark tunnel, leading to Platform 9 ¾. The Hogwarts Express sat there, like a cheetah waiting for the right moment to take off and grab a gazelle for its meal. My men and I jumped onto the train just as it started moving out of the station. WE left behind Mad Eye Moody's island for good.

THE WITCH PROFESSOR MACGONAGALL

The third island we came upon was that of the sorceress Minerva McGonagall who was famous for transfiguring men all over the Realm of Wizards. Hermione and I stayed behind on the boat while Seamus Flannigan foolishly led the men onto the island. They found a stone palace with an interior similar to that of the Transfiguration Room back home at Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall tricked the men into turning each other into pigs, using a spell that she had provided for them. With a few defensive spells in mind, Hermione and I rushed to their aid when we heard their swinish cries echoing back to the train. McGonagall was perfectly happy to give us the reversal spell, for she was glad she had finally been able to teach her students how to successfully transfigure living creatures properly. There we stayed, on her island, for half a book's worth of a story until we decided we had had enough rest.

THE LAND OF DIVINATION

Before setting off straight on the path to Hogwarts, we went to seek the nearly blind seer Madame Trelawney. Her home lay in the middle of the lake that was previously occupied by a horcrux. As we sat down on fluffy cushions and were given tea from an oaken table, she began to chant a prophecy.

"To get back home you shall have to face many dangers along the way. First, merpeople from the Black Lake that now live in the oceans you travel upon. You shall have to shut your ears against their song, for it is deadly to all men. Second, the Basilisk, King of Snakes, and Aragog, King of Spiders, you shall have to choose which to fight carefully, the whirlpool of webs that house the King of Spiders, or the high cliff face that houses the King of Snakes. Third, Dean Thomas, the man who is trying to steal your wife from you, heed my warnings for I have THE SIGHT!"

With that exclamation, she leapt up and promptly crashed into the oaken table. We left that lake by way of a small rowboat that propelled itself magically, feeling smarter knowing what was to come.

THE SONG OF THE MERPEOPLE

Whilst we were at sea, sailing a new boat we had stolen from a couple of Durmstrang students, we heard strange screeching coming from the water. I told my crewmates to give me gillyweed to choke down and I ducked underwater as I grew gills and my fingers melded into fins. What I heard was the most beautiful song I had ever heard, but I had heard it, once before, from the Golden Egg during the Triwizard Tournament, except much louder. The merpeople came into view in front of me, their silvery tails thrashing back and forth angrily, like sharks moving quickly to grab their floundering prey in the water. I took no notice of this and desperately began swimming towards the beautiful singing.

"_Come seek us where our voices sound, we cannot sing above the ground…"_

There were more lyrics, but I cannot recall anything but those two lines. Hermione noticed me swimming away from the boat and yelled. "PEFTRIFICUS TOTALUS!" And my limbs locked to my sides. They all put their powers together to lift me out of the water with a levitation spell and they dropped me down on the deck and we sped away from the merpeople.

THE BASILISK AND ARAGOG

Our last danger caused by mythical creatures was when we passed by the Basilisk and Aragog. T was able to calm the giant snake with a few words of Parseltongue, but there was a giant writhing, living whirlpool of webs and spiders that enclosed the Great Spider Aragog. Ron caught sight of him and went white as a sheet and froze up, losing control of the tiller, causing us to crash into the Basilisk's cliff. The others were saved by an unknown force but I fell unconscious and woke up on Cho Chang's Island.

THE RETURN TO HOGWARTS

Harry finished his tale and left the Three Broomsticks. He began making his way to the school of witchcraft and wizardry as fast as he could. On the way, he was met by his loyal servant, Neville Longbottom and his godfather, Sirius Black. The three organized a test with Ginny's suitor, Dean, and Harry disguised himself as a Hufflepuff so as to prevent suspicion. Harry the "Hufflepuff" showed up and he and Dean were asked to cast a Patronus, to prove who really was worthy of Ginny. Dean cast first and the form of a silvery sheep burst from his wand. Harry smiled and cast his powerful stag into existence and it galloped around the room. Ginny knew for sure her Harry had come back home and she was delighted to have him back. Rowena Ravenclaw appeared in a golden light and gave the couple the gift of the Sorcerer's Stone so they could spend an eternity together to make up for the seven books apart.

THE END?

Harry woke up abruptly, slamming his forehead into the oaken top of the bunk bed. The sound of his following cry of pain woke Ron, who was sleeping across the room, dreaming of The Burrow. He blearily asked Harry what was wrong. The room was completely pitch black, so Harry whispered "Lumos" and a white ball of light appeared at the end of his wand, illuminating it partway. Red and gold decorations were hung throughout the room and Hedwig was shut inside her gilded cage next to his bed. With a sweep of his wand, he saw the book he had been reading before bed. Its simple paper cover was slightly damp from rain, as were some of Ron's and his clothes strewn on the floor. Its faded title read "The Odyssey, By: Homer" Harry turned to Ron and said.

"I just had a really weird dream…"


End file.
